Reason 9 – Watching Neo Come (Cum)

This is one of the oddest sex scenes in any movie. I’m not sure if it’s the shitty Fruity Loops electronic music, the sea of softcore orgy cave dancers, or watching Neo’s face as he deposits some “One Juice” into Trinity’s tampon tunnel. Whatever it may be, watching Keanu confusingly cream pie Carrie is yet another reason why the Matrix sucks.

Everything about this is awkward, right from the moment Neo expresses his horniness, to Trinity’s robotic monotone reply of “Follow me.”

"I was thinking... run c:\neo\sex\boner.exe

“I was thinking… run c:\neo\sex\boner.exe”

"COMMAND ACCEPTED, FOLLOW ME"

"COMMAND ACCEPTED, FOLLOW ME"

So do they just never bang on the Nebuchadnezzar? Or do they have to be quiet while they’re doing the deed, kind of like how it was when you were 16 living with your parents? Shit, if I were The One I’d bang my bitch so loud I’d blow an EMP. What are they gonna do about it? I’m the motherfuckin’ One!

Now now, Carrie-Anne Moss has a pretty tight bod… why should I complain? Well, because this movie is Rated R and we don’t even get a side boob! You get no glimpse of Trinity, all you see is Neo awkwardly penetrating on top. Seriously, this movie made over $742 million.. but no titty!

Bow chicka ow ow

Bow chicka ow ow

So they bang and bang and bang. And the cave-dwellers dance and dance and dance. And the music loops and loops and loops. And eventually, The One, well…

I'm gonna... I'm gonna... IIIiiiiieeeee

I’m gonna… I’m gonna… IIIiiiiieeeee

No words. There are no words. I’m not sure if I just saw Neo come, or shit. Probably both. Maybe Trin is into that.

If I were Neo and God of the Matrix, I would be jacked in 24/7 slammin’ bitches all over the world. I’d setup orgies with hundreds upon thousands of the most exotic beautiful women on Earth. I’d be doing unthinkable things. Fuck the woman in red (literally), I’d have a rainbow of bitches lickin’ my toes begging me to show them where the wild goose goes.

Oh Neo, how you disappoint me.

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5 Responses to Reason 9 – Watching Neo Come (Cum)

  1. Joey says:

    I thoroughly enjoyed this and although I may be a little late I feel I have one to add! In the first Matrix, when Neo gets in the car with Trinny, da dyke, and italio he’s about to get out right? And Trinity goes “please Neo, you’ve been down that road” right? Nice metaphor, little cliche but doable. BUT. After she says this he LOOKS out the window, as well as the camera, to show what? The ROAD. UGH. What were they thinking? You were definitely right. Classic 90s

  2. X-SHADOW says:

    XD !
    That one really sucks !

  3. WTMS says:

    I demand side boob!

  4. David E says:

    Fucking hilarious! I think I ripped the lining of my stomach from laughing so fucking hard. Most excellent.

  5. WTMS says:

    You’re welcome… but you may want to get that checked out.

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