Reason 7 – Why Didn’t They Make a Matrix for Cows?

This is by far the biggest problem I have with the Matrix so why I saved it for reason 7 I haven’t a clue. I’m just lazy and unorganized, so get off me. After all this is my first post in like 6 months.

Let’s consider the system the machines setup here. They needed a way to survive once the humans “scorched the sky” (whatever the fuck that means) there by eliminating their ability to harness solar energy. So their bright idea was to grow humans, toss them into a virtual reality world, and use their bodies for energy.

Kansas definitely went bye-bye.

Kansas definitely went bye-bye.

Neat, but why did they pick humans? They would have been able to achieve the same objective with much less risk if they instead grew cows.

Moooooooooooooo.

Moooooooooooooo.

Humans are smart, cows are dumb. They could have grown billions of cows and threw them into a field of grass and they would have been happy until the end of time, never once questioning their reality. The machines would have been able to harness more power, which would lead them to expand faster, leading to a more prosperous growth. Adult cows are also roughly 7x as large as an adult male, so they would harness more electricity per unit. So, why humans and why not cows?

I’ll tell you why, well because the movie would have been boring, but also because the Matrix sucks. Perhaps I’m just a cynical bastard (which we all know is certainly not the case) but this really tears a huge hole into the deep meaning of the trilogy. It’s the basic brain in a vat philosophical discussion which as been around for centuries, but The Matrix had a unique 20th century twist, which lured me in. But, these machines are logical and would have built the most efficient system possible and using humans certainly does not fit this mold.

Think about what I’m saying when you re-watch Daddy Matrix explain to Neo what the machines have to go through every new version.

Neo, I am your father.

Neo, I am your father.

Basically, when Neo arrives, Santa explains to him that this is the 7th version of the Matrix and every so often things go haywire with the humans and they are forced to destroy Xion, rape and kill all the women, and let the survivors slowly rebuild. I’m not going to think too hard about the time frame of this but holy shit that would take a long time. Daddy says Neo would be allowed to choose 16 females and 7 males and even if they humped like crazy they could at most pop out 16 new children per year. It would take another 15-16 years before the new babies would start reproducing as well. Not to mention that once they had a population they would have to rebuild the entire fucking city. So basically, like I said earlier, this would take a long time. Talk about efficiency.

Perhaps the machines chose humans for a punishment? They were at war so they wanted to control and hold them as slaves? Nope, that is a stupid argument. The most efficient (I gotta stop using that word) way here would be to kill all remaining humans and harness their power from another source, such as a cow. With human beings extinct there would be no real threat and they could keep recharging their battery until the end of time. And like I stated before, revenge is something we humans find sexy, but these machines couldn’t care less.

So to sum up, The Matrix should have been about cows. Maybe the story wouldn’t have been as interesting, but at least I would be satisfied. Moo.

I AM THE ONE

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8 Responses to Reason 7 – Why Didn’t They Make a Matrix for Cows?

  1. sofialocali says:

    Because they ‘scorched the sky’ so the machines wouldn’t be able to grow the grass for the cows. You lose.

    BTW the Matrix does suck. I agree with some of your reasons. But there are others… like the fact that many human characters are generally rubbish -like that guy in Reloaded in the scene where they’re planning to knock out the power stations who has to repeat everything that everyone else says ‘A bomb?’

    Also the pretty critical error of making a trilogy called the Matrix and then spending an increasing amount of time as the series goes on outside of it – leading to the ultra-boredom of the 40 or so minute ‘Buckle up!’ robot shooty scene.

  2. WTMS says:

    You do realize the grass for the cows to eat would exist inside of the Matrix, right?

  3. Fil says:

    Yeah, the cows is a good point. I just watched the first Matrix and I Googled Matrix shit, and was curious about plot holes and stuff. So the movie had some bad fucking special effects at times, and others times alright. Looking at the movie twelve years later, it’s pretty much a 90s movie. Infact, Pitch Black came out around the same time, and it had better visual effects, more modern anyway. Because every movie after Pitch Black started fucking with the color scheme, like the LOTR trilogy. Actually, I kind of hate that, but Pitch Black was the only good one.

    Oh yeah, The Matrix, so Neo is a wimp, and he should have brought down the Matrix, and Smith should have just died, and stayed dead — or deleted, whatever.

    You can’t even really jerk-off to The Matrix movies, you can to Star Wars though, at least ROTJ, the scene with Leia as..anyway, you know what I mean. Slave girl Leia. Whatever.

    The Matrix was a con, and it conned everyone out of their money. It made you question reality though, yeah for sure, but have you ever been punched in the face and seen stars and had a moment of clarity? That also works, and is pretty zen-like.

    I want to blow up the world because everything sucks. That was me in the 90s. Now it twice, and double, and triple sucks.

    Smelling your own farts is even better than anything new in the future.

  4. WTMS says:

    I can’t disagree about your farts comment, I do happen to enjoy my own stench.

  5. halimah jedani says:

    Maybe were were not mere batteries, as per Morpheus’ analogy. Shame on whoever didn’t better develop the main characters’ ulterior motives. We never heard the story fron the other side: The Architect nor The Oracle never address this woeful inadequacy that fuels your diatribe; just a human’s possibly flawed perspective.

    I suspect the machines learned better from our moreover sophisticated frame of reference than cows. Whether or not they would/could admit it, they verily desired/needed more.

    Though machines/programs, they were obviously not mere one track automatons. They possessed emotions, functional purpose and were most definitely evolving.

  6. WTMS says:

    Yeah, it would have been very interesting to hear the story from the machines perspective.

  7. Sans says:

    Metal Gear???

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