Reason 7 – Why Didn’t They Make a Matrix for Cows?

This is by far the biggest problem I have with the Matrix so why I saved it for reason 7 I haven’t a clue. I’m just lazy and unorganized, so get off me. After all this is my first post in like 6 months.

Let’s consider the system the machines setup here. They needed a way to survive once the humans “scorched the sky” (whatever the fuck that means) there by eliminating their ability to harness solar energy. So their bright idea was to grow humans, toss them into a virtual reality world, and use their bodies for energy.

Kansas definitely went bye-bye.

Kansas definitely went bye-bye.

Neat, but why did they pick humans? They would have been able to achieve the same objective with much less risk if they instead grew cows.

Moooooooooooooo.

Moooooooooooooo.

Humans are smart, cows are dumb. They could have grown billions of cows and threw them into a field of grass and they would have been happy until the end of time, never once questioning their reality. The machines would have been able to harness more power, which would lead them to expand faster, leading to a more prosperous growth. Adult cows are also roughly 7x as large as an adult male, so they would harness more electricity per unit. So, why humans and why not cows?

I’ll tell you why, well because the movie would have been boring, but also because the Matrix sucks. Perhaps I’m just a cynical bastard (which we all know is certainly not the case) but this really tears a huge hole into the deep meaning of the trilogy. It’s the basic brain in a vat philosophical discussion which as been around for centuries, but The Matrix had a unique 20th century twist, which lured me in. But, these machines are logical and would have built the most efficient system possible and using humans certainly does not fit this mold.

Think about what I’m saying when you re-watch Daddy Matrix explain to Neo what the machines have to go through every new version.

Neo, I am your father.

Neo, I am your father.

Basically, when Neo arrives, Santa explains to him that this is the 7th version of the Matrix and every so often things go haywire with the humans and they are forced to destroy Xion, rape and kill all the women, and let the survivors slowly rebuild. I’m not going to think too hard about the time frame of this but holy shit that would take a long time. Daddy says Neo would be allowed to choose 16 females and 7 males and even if they humped like crazy they could at most pop out 16 new children per year. It would take another 15-16 years before the new babies would start reproducing as well. Not to mention that once they had a population they would have to rebuild the entire fucking city. So basically, like I said earlier, this would take a long time. Talk about efficiency.

Perhaps the machines chose humans for a punishment? They were at war so they wanted to control and hold them as slaves? Nope, that is a stupid argument. The most efficient (I gotta stop using that word) way here would be to kill all remaining humans and harness their power from another source, such as a cow. With human beings extinct there would be no real threat and they could keep recharging their battery until the end of time. And like I stated before, revenge is something we humans find sexy, but these machines couldn’t care less.

So to sum up, The Matrix should have been about cows. Maybe the story wouldn’t have been as interesting, but at least I would be satisfied. Moo.

I AM THE ONE

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