Reason 5 – Bullshit, He Couldn’t Talk

My God do I hate overused, ridiculous, movie cliches. How many times have you watched someone get injured, then give one last meaningful speech before they die in their loved one’s arms. Makes me sick. But this one is just straight up absurd, there are so many things wrong here.

Ahh, the Keymaker. I actually really like this character. It brought an interesting twist to the plot in Matrix Reloaded. Seriously, how fucking cool would it be to have a guy around that can make keys which can be used in any door, that transport you to a different place? This guy is bad ass.

Zee Keymaker

Zee Keymaker

Just look at all those god damn keys! And his hat! He must get so much pussy.

So let’s setup the bullshit scene. The Keymaker is supposed to take Neo to the source by going through a backdoor. All goes well but when they arrive, they run into Smith.

OMG It's Smith

HEY GUYS WHAT'S UP

Okay, first off, how the fuck did Smith get in here? As far as we know, the only way in is with the keymaker. The team went through hell and back after instruction from the Oracle to get this guy because it was the only way to get in. I know Smith is a bad ass but seriously, no explanation?

Second, how did Smith know this is where they would be going at that exact moment? I guess he could have been waiting for days on end knowing they would eventually end up there or something.

So back on track, Morpheus puts a gun to Smith’s head and then BOOM like 20 more Smith’s jump out and start kicking ass. The Keymaker peaces the fuck out and sneaks around behind the circle jerk. As he opens the door, the Smith’s hear him and all say simultaneously “Kill him” and pull out their guns.

KILL HIM

lol I forgot we had guns

Neo dominos a path and Supermans his way through the door. The Keymaker slams the door, but not fast enough.

It was meant to be, hehe

It was meant to be, hehe

Hang on a second. What the fuck Agent Smith(s)? While battling Neo and Morphy, you tried to ninja fight them, WHILE YOU HAD GUNS?!! They all had guns! What the fuck, man? Why didn’t you just whip them out and start busting caps into asses? Smith even stated, “Go ahead, shoot. The best thing about being me is there’s so many me.” So friendly fire is obviously no concern. Ugh, never mind.

So the Keymaker was shot multiple times in the chest. He drops dead right there, right? Of course not, that would make too much sense. He is held in the big strong arms of Morphy and gives his final words. He gives Neo the master key and “blarrrrggh” chokes on his own blood and vomit.

Hey guys before I die...

Hey guys before I die...

Sigh. This isn’t the first (or last) cliche you see throughout the trilogy. But why do I hate cliches so much? (I actually hate the word cliche, but there isn’t really a better word to use.) Because it’s something we’ve seen A HUNDRED TIMES. And not only that, it’s FUCKING UNREALISTIC. JUST STOP, PLEASE STOP WITH THIS SHIT. It makes my head hurt and blood boil.

This scene just leaves me shaking my head. I don’t really feel like yelling about it, it rubs me in a way where I just want to curl up and softly whimper. Please, no more!

This entry was posted in Matrix Reloaded. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Reason 5 – Bullshit, He Couldn’t Talk

  1. some dude says:

    also mention that the guns the agents use are DESERT EAGLES of which shoot .50 cal bullets, you know the kind of bullet made to stop planes. If shot with said gun you would have a hole the size of baseball in you.
    this really drives me mad during the highway chase when you can see the agents shooting the driver side door where Trin is sitting. As proven by mythbuster car doors (civilian car doors) do a terrible job at stopping even the lowest of caliber bullets. You might as well be driving a cardboard box when the agents open fire.

  2. some dude says:

    *just think of when Smith SHOT DOWN the helicopter at the end of the first matrix. you mean to tell me his gun can take down a military armored, made to be shot at, heli but not stop a 2003 sports car? really?

  3. admin says:

    hahah! Gold, Jerry, Gold! Just another reason why this scene is ludacris. And you gave me another idea for a post…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Haha, “ludacris” is a rapper… LUDICROUS is how you spell it.

    Alright article though

  5. admin says:

    Oops, forgot to capitalize the proper noun I guess. You’re pretty aight yourself, anonymous.

  6. axan says:

    About the Smiths: I don’t know how did they get there, but they could fight Neo and Morpheus instead of shooting them because 1) Neo may stop the bullets anyway 2) the Smiths want to copy themselves into these two guys for real, me thinks. And that’s maybe not quite possible brain-dead.

  7. WTMS says:

    Good points, axan. They want to copy them and not kill them, so I guess that’s why they didn’t just bust a cap. But I still hate how the Keymaker dies in their arms… so ridiculous.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*